How to Hug Your Lover Till Your Both Relaxed

“Certainly, sex can be a ‘I will do this for you if you will do this for me’ experience, but it is such a lonely arrangement. A caress should say I love you, not pay off a debt. An embrace should fill the heart as well as the arms.” Hugh and Gail Prather – Notes to Each Other

Thoughts on the joy of hugging

It’s very sad but before 9/11 we were able to watch people deplane and interact with their loved ones. It was an amazing sight to see. Kisses, hugs and pure joy and happiness could be observed. You could see how close or intimate the participants were just by their physical interactions. The way you hug your lover will be very different than all other relationships. Let’s take a look at the different types of hugs.

Different types of hugs for different types of relationships

• You’d see the pastoral one-armed side hug (you have to keep those boundaries so that you’re beyond reproach and there’s no scent of impropriety)
  
• Then you’d see a full-on bear hug where two people would embrace with full-body contact. No fear there!
  
• You’d get the quick pat on the back from men who don’t want to appear to be too affectionate.
  
• The civil hug which was done out of obligation, and the long lingering hug when two people have missed each other immensely.
  
• And then there was the hug of lovers that appeared almost sensual and usually included a passionate kiss and maybe even a butt squeeze.

I bet you never thought about these hugs having a language all to themselves. Each has a specific style and relational meaning. It’s true, sometimes a person’s body language speaks louder than their words.

take time to Watch People Hug

This week try to get a chance to watch people hug. Then count like a child would count (one-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, etc.) and see how many Mississippi’s you a hug gets to. You’ll see that a 4 Mississippi hug is a long hug. Any longer and one person will usually pull back, especially if the other person is showing signs of disengagement such a stiffening up or resistance when they’re hugged longer.

Perhaps, you’ve perceived that yourself when hugging another person or maybe you’re the one who is uncomfortable with hugs. Whatever the reason hugging your spouse should be the easiest of hugs, but many times it’s not.

DON’T FORGET TO SIGN UP FOR A FREE WEEK OF OUR COURSE WITH MORE INTIMACY EXPERIENCES YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR SPOUSE

How Do I Know When to Let Go

When you hug your spouse how do you know when to let go? The answer is usually when one pulls away. If you’re the one in your marriage who likes to hug longer, you’re probably quite familiar with this. Hugs communicate just how well you’re comfortable with becoming “one” with your spouse.

Short hugs mean this couple usually makes love with the lights off, no talking and definitely no eye-gazing, and that’s if they’re even making love! Hugs have the unfortunate ability to reveal who is in a touch deficit and who feels anxious or smothered with affections. It may even show wants whom more.

The nuts and bolts – how to hug till relaxed!

Step 1 – Be Intentional

The great thing is this can be done at any time and any place you want and it doesn’t require genital contact or nudity. So be intentional and surprise your spouse today by initiating a hug.

Step 2 – The Basics

Hugging till relaxed is elegant and simple. The basics require four steps:

1. Stand on your own two feet,
   
2. Put your arms around your spouse,
   
3. Focus on yourself and quiet yourself down, and
   
4. Ask the Lord to help you to focus on loving your spouse through your hug.

Step 3 – Purpose

The purpose of this experience is to create a mutually pleasurable sensuous and relaxing experience. Hugging till relaxed helps you to quiet your spirit, and to maintain your separateness while you’re together.

This level of differentiation understands that you are “one in Christ,” while you’re individually still “one with Christ” separately. This is essential to a passionate love life.

Differentiation is holding onto your identity while you’re physically, emotionally and spiritually one with your spouse. It’s essential for amazing lovemaking. You need to be in touch with your true self and still connect intimately with your spouse at the same time.

Step 4 – Experimentation

When you first hug till relaxed, do it any way you like – find your personal and couple style. Then experiment with:

1. Breathing in unison,
   
2. One spouse leaning on the other,
   
3. Hugging the other from behind, and
   
4. Trying out different arm positions.
   
5. Naked and unashamed.

We don’t want you to just go through the motions. It’s not about only being close to your spouse, but becoming “one” with them while still holding on to yourself. If you practice being quiet and bringing your anxiety to the Lord, you may find that you connect with the Lord, yourself and your spouse quite easily.

If you do this as a technique, it will make you a great technician, but not a lover. Hugging till reveals that a connection with your spouse requires a connection with yourself and the Lord. Ultimately, the end result is to become profoundly peaceful, quiet, and connected with your spouse while you’re intentionally touching them, making love to them, hugging or kissing them.

This reflects Christ living in you and paves the way for the kind of sex that is not merely skin on skin but the kind that becomes “one-flesh,” spiritually, emotionally and physically.

DON’T FORGET TO SIGN UP FOR A FREE WEEK OF OUR COURSE WITH MORE INTIMACY EXPERIENCES YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Step 5 – Talk To Each Other

Remember, the solution to overcoming marriage problems is taking care of your own heart (not being hard-hearted or heartless), but taking your emotions to the Lord so He can minister to and heal you, rather than requiring those things from your spouse.

Listen to each other without thinking about how you’re going to respond, but be as present as you can be for your spouse while they’re sharing.

What are they trying to convey to you? Confirm, clarify, and expand in your own words what your spouse is saying and refrain from judging their communication. Make sure you are both clear the message has been communicated and received accurately.

Talking Questions

• What did you enjoy the most, and what was difficult?
  
• When did you want to break off the hug, what was happening inside of you right before that moment, does it feel forced, or do you feel controlled or fearful that you can’t move and get out of this?
  
• Were you able to hug for yourself as well as your spouse?
  
• Did you bring anything to the Lord?
  
• You may want to journal your reactions so you can see any changes in the movement towards one another while staying differentiated over time.

New Ways To Try Daily Hugging

You can do this Intimacy Experience daily and try new ways to hug. Move towards doing this with less clothing until you’re hugging naked. You can use this before and after every lovemaking session and you can even pray while you’re holding one other.

If You’re Doing the “7 Day Touch Challenge”
Day 2 will be Listening to each other’s Heartbeats.