Marriage is a beautiful and sacred union, and for Christian couples, it reflects the love and commitment shared between Christ and His Church. However, the demands of parenting can often leave couples feeling overwhelmed and neglectful of their romantic relationship. Let’s explore some practical ways for Christian married parents to prioritize and make time for romance, intimacy, and sex within the context of their busy lives.
What is Your Marriage Centered On?
We always ask couples what their marriage is centered on. Meaning what is the focus of your energy and time. Some say ministry, work, and church, but those who are parents often say it’s child-centered. Then tell them that the only kind of marriage that will last is an intimacy-centered marriage. When the kids are gone, you’ll be left with a stranger. This is when many couples end up divorced.
Your children also need to see a healthy, intimate marriage for the health of their future marriage, and it also helps them to feel secure. Even though they might say yuck when you kiss, they genuinely love it. One couple came to see us for sex therapy because their 5-year-old daughter said, “You and daddy used to be lovers, but now you’re just friends.” That shocked them out of their apathy, and they quickly decided to do something about it.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, and it becomes even more crucial when balancing parenthood and marriage. Sit down with your spouse and openly discuss your desires, needs, and expectations regarding romance and intimacy. Be open and receptive to your partner’s thoughts, ensuring you both have a voice in the conversation. This transparent dialogue will lay the foundation for a stronger emotional connection. Try reflecting on what the other is saying so each of you feels heard.
Prioritize your intimate Time Together
Prioritizing your intimacy is easier said than done. Finding quality time for one another can be challenging as parents, but it is essential for maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. Make intentional efforts to set aside time exclusively for each other, even if it means arranging a regular date night or carving out quiet moments after the children have gone to bed. Turn off the T.V. or technology and be intentional with your time together. Use this time to engage in meaningful conversations, share your dreams and aspirations, and express love and affection for one another.
And don’t forget to plan a couple’s getaway a few times a year sans kiddos.
Get a lock on the door in case the little ones want to barge in. Then there is the quintessential strategy of setting the kids up with some screen time. Some clients tell us they have their sex tapes (LOL), meaning they only let them see their favorite kid’s movie when they want some intimate time together. They know precisely how long that video or game will last, which makes it a fun challenge too! Plus, the sound of their movie or game can muffle your erotic sounds too! Finally, try not to talk about your kids on dates and during your intimate time together. You’re more than parents, after all.
Create a supportive network
As Christian parents, it’s essential to surround yourself with a supportive network of family, friends, or fellow believers who can provide assistance and share childcare responsibilities. By nurturing these relationships, you can create opportunities for you and your spouse to have time alone together. It indeed takes a community to support a thriving marriage.
schedule sex and plan your intimacy
Amid hectic schedules, it can be beneficial to schedule intimate moments. While this may not sound particularly romantic, it allows you to ensure that intimacy is not overlooked or neglected. Find a time that works for both of you and commit to it. Remember that intimacy is not just about sex but encompasses acts of emotional connection and physical affection. Use this time to rekindle the flame and express love and desire for one another. We like to ask our couples to spend 10 minutes a day talking, having a date night, and being physically intimate three times a week. It doesn’t have to be a full-on lovemaking session but making sure it involves touch of some kind.
embrace spontaneity and creativity
While scheduling intimacy can be helpful, it’s also vital to embrace spontaneity and inject creativity into your romantic life. Surprise your spouse with little gestures of affection, leave love notes, or plan impromptu outings when possible. Try texting each other some flirty messages before you get home. Be open to trying new things together and exploring each other’s desires. Invest in some good lube and a vibrator to make things happen more quickly. You can keep the romance alive and exciting by infusing spontaneity and creativity. Just don’t make it a habit of giving each other the fumes at the end of the day with quickie sex.
seek spiritual intimacy with one another
For Christian couples, nurturing spiritual intimacy alongside physical intimacy is vital. Pray together, read the Bible together, and discuss your faith journeys. Engage in acts of service and seek ways to grow spiritually as a couple. By nurturing your spiritual connection, you strengthen the foundation of your marriage and find a deeper bond with one another. Having your own intimate time with the Lord is essential. Share with your spouse what the Lord is doing or saying in your personal time with the Lord.
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Balancing parenthood and marriage are undoubtedly a challenge, but it is crucial to prioritize romance, intimacy, and sex within your relationship. Christian married parents can cultivate a thriving, passionate, and loving relationship by communicating openly, creating quality time together, building a supportive network, scheduling, planning for intimacy, embracing spontaneity, and seeking spiritual intimacy. Remember, a strong and joyful marriage not only benefits you but also provides a solid foundation for your children as they witness the love and commitment shared between their parents.