Spoon Breathing is a simple way to unlock “oneness” with your lover
Spoon Breathing is a simple way to unlock oneness and intimacy in any relationship. What is spoon breathing? It’s really sad that tantric sex gets all the kudos for being meditative and deeply intimate. As Christian Sex Therapists we want to take that back and teach Christian couples how to be one-flesh with their spouse and commune with them during lovemaking. This is one way a couple can begin a lovemaking session that will help them to be more present, spiritual, and connecting than just getting busy. Of course, there are different types of lovemaking such as quickies, etc. that are perfectly acceptable but a steady diet of them can cause a couple to miss out on the blessing of gourmet, one-flesh type of sex. Spoon Breathing is done while the two of you are in a spooning position with one spouse laying behind the other. Your entire bodies are snuggled against one another while touching. Like two spoons in a drawer nestled together.
Relaxed breathing while spooning
The breathing you’ll do in this spooning position is called Relaxed Breathing. The purpose of this technique is to develop a relaxed breathing rhythm. We know that anxiety is the number one reason for sexual problems. Because if performance anxiety is present, whether you like it or not, your body will shut down and lose the blood flow needed for arousal. Also, good oxygen flow is essential for arousal and relaxation. Relaxed Breathing may be practiced anytime, especially during stressful situations. When you first try this Spoon Breathing with Relaxed Breathing, try doing it for 5 minutes. In the future, you can increase it to 10 minutes. Be prepared that you may fall asleep.
How do I spoon breath to be “one” and connect with my lover?
Step 1 – A Relaxing Atmosphere
Obtain a relaxing, soft worship CD and set to repeat if needed. Mutually agree whether to wear clothes or not. Lie together with your spouse on a bed or couch with one person’s front snuggling up against the other’s back. Lie with your legs bent so that you fit together like two spoons in a drawer (thus the term spooning). You can experiment and/or change-up who lies in the back. You can put a small pillow between your legs if you like. Put a roll pillow, a rolled towel or an ergonomically correct pillow under your necks.
Step 2 – Spooning Technique
The spouse in the back will put the arm they are lying on under the neck of their spouse while straightening their arm. It helps if the pillow is used for head support rather than using the spouse’s arm so it doesn’t fall asleep. Remain as still as possible even if you find yourself becoming aroused (men, here is an important nugget of wisdom – just because you have an erection doesn’t mean you have to use it)! The purpose of this is to bring relaxation and to help you focus your attention on enjoying being close to your spouse and feeling the warmth, closeness, and love between you.
Step 3 – Breathing Technique
Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose (as the tiny hairs and mucous membranes filter out dust and toxins from the inhaled air) as much air as feels comfortable for you. Now smile slightly, and exhale through your mouth, making a quiet, breezy sound as you gently blow out. Your mouth, tongue, and jaw will be relaxed. Take long, slow, deep breaths. You will notice your abdomen expanding when you breathe in. That’s a good thing. It means you’re breathing correctly.
Step 4 – Rhythmic Breathing will Bring Relaxation
Relaxation is a good thing because our bodies can become more easily aroused when we are relaxed. The spouse who is behind will feel their spouse’s abdomen rising and lowering with their hand. Hear the sound and feel the texture of your own breathing and your spouse’s breathing as you both become more and more relaxed. Continue step 3 until it becomes rhythmic and comfortable. You can silently talk with the Lord as well and ask Him to help you relax.
GIVE YOUR SPOUSE THE GIFT OF ROMANCE FOR A LIFETIME
If you love doing this intimacy experience, imagine having 72 of them to do with your spouse that can be done in the privacy of your own home over a 6 month period of time with our Divine Desire Foundational Married Edition and our Divine Desire Advanced Married Edition. We also have a 3-month protocol for engaged couples.
Step 5 – Your Breathing May Synchronize with Your Spouse
Pay attention to your own and your spouse’s breathing. Most likely, after 5 minutes your breathing will tend to synchronize with your spouse’s. You don’t need to be in unison, but if it happens to let it. Slow your breathing down by taking in air through your nose slowly and releasing air completely through your mouth. Make sure your muscles are relaxed by concentrating on each muscle group starting from your face down to your toes. Allow yourself to sink into the bed or couch. Do this until each of you are relaxed.
In the future, you can begin a lovemaking session with spoon breathing doing this naked as a way to connect and relax. You can also finish with this after lovemaking to enhance your afterglow.
Step 6 – When You’re Finished Talk To Each Other
Remember, the solution to overcoming intimacy problems is taking care of your own heart (not being hard-hearted or heartless), but taking your emotions to the Lord so He can minister to and heal you, rather than requiring those things from your spouse. It really helps if you’re doing that on a regular basis with the Lord.
You’ll only need to do this communication step the first or perhaps a second time. After that, you’ll just do the Spoon Breathing spontaneously, and sharing how the intimacy experience went will not be needed. Listen to each other without thinking about how you’re going to respond to your spouse. Be as present as possible for your spouse while they’re sharing with touch and eye-gazing.
What are they trying to convey to you? Confirm, clarify, and expand in your own words what your spouse is saying and refrain from judging their communication. Make sure you are both clear the message has been communicated and received accurately.
Talking Questions
- What did you enjoy the most, and what was difficult?
- When you were Spoon Breathing, what was happening inside you? Did it feel forced, or too controlled? Was there any fear that you couldn’t move or get out of the hold?
- Were you able to do Spoon Breathing for yourself and your own relaxation or were you thinking about or worried about your spouse?
- Did you bring anything to the Lord?
- You may want to journal your responses and reactions so you can see any changes in your intimate movement over time.
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If You’re Doing the “7 Day Touch Challenge”
Day 4 will be Passionate Kissing.
The emphasis here is on spouses, but as you suggested at the start, any couple can do this without sex. This is a great way a dating or engaged couple could bond together. They don’t need it to proceed to lovemaking, although kissing and cuddling could follow. And per the mention in the article about discussing clothing, they definitely should have a conversation about the level of attire (personally I’d say at minimum to keep underpants on if unmarried). And they’d need to comfortable possibly falling asleep. But I think it does carry over very well, and emphasizes bonding rather than sexual passion.