This blog will delve into the various aspects of the female orgasm and address questions, concerns, and misconceptions. We’ll also discuss the physical, spiritual, and emotional factors contributing to or hindering a woman’s pleasure.

We recognize that every woman’s sexual journey is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to female orgasm. Armed with knowledge, understanding, and open communication, we pray that you can create an atmosphere of trust, intimacy, and oneness that paves the way for God’s gift of sexual fulfillment for a married couple.

First, both the husband and wife must refrain from comparing her to other women, what the media or porn portrays, or thinking a woman should orgasm like a man.

Also, avoid succumbing to the pressure to perform because it will prevent blood flow from rushing into the clitoris and only add to a woman’s inability to achieve orgasm.

Have you ever thought about God creating a clitoris for one single purpose? Her pleasure. That’s how important a wife experiencing sexual release is to God!

First, let’s answer some common questions:

How Do Women Reach Orgasm?

• Most women need clitoral stimulation; only 30% of women orgasm during intercourse, and in most cases, it’s with clitoral stimulation.
  
• In rare cases, some women can orgasm during intercourse without external clitoral stimulation because the vestibular bulbs or the legs of the clitoris rub up against the vaginal wall. The husband can stimulate the clitoris internally with thrusting during intercourse or manual stimulation internally with his fingers.
  
• A majority of women orgasm before intercourse with manual stimulation of the clitoris. Her orgasm prepares her vagina for intercourse with more lubricant, the vagina elongates, and the uterus lifts up and out of the way.
  
• Very few women have multiple orgasms during a love-making session.
  
• Some women can orgasm in 5 minutes; others take 20 to 30 minutes of manual stimulation before they can orgasm.

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How Often Do Women Orgasm?

• 85% of women report they have had an orgasm at some time in their lives
• 15% have never had an orgasm by any means.
• Most women need clitoral stimulation
• 30% of women orgasm during intercourse; in most cases, it’s with external clitoral stimulation.

How Does Female Orgasm Happen?

• First of all, she must be relaxed. Of course, that’s easier said than done because no one can force themselves to relax. Body image issues, stress, trauma, relational problems, or physical issues of being tired or ill can inhibit orgasm.
• Both the male and female genitals are in a tense state when they are un-aroused. As the person relaxes and enjoys pleasure during foreplay, their genitals become more relaxed, and blood flows into the penis, clitoris, and vulva. Then when the blood flow reaches the maximum level, muscle contractions begin and push the blood back out. And that blood pulsing out creates a pleasure rush!

Practically, How Does a Female Overcome Not Having an Orgasm?

• There are many different reasons a woman may not be able to orgasm.
  • The health of her relationship with her husband
  • Her ability to trust the Lord and her husband.
  • Not giving her enough time or attention in foreplay
  • Medical reasons include thyroid or hormone imbalances, diabetes, or drugs that inhibit orgasm, such as anti-depressants or marijuana use.
• We have a treatment protocol for an inhibited orgasm that she can pursue at home. Please email us at shekinahgloryintimacy@gmail.com to purchase this protocol, which will be integrated into the Divine Desire course. However, if she cannot achieve a release, we suggest the couple make an appointment to see us because the underlying reasons can be challenging to diagnose and treat on your own.

Is it Okay for a Woman Not to Have an Orgasm Every Time the Couple Has Sex?

• Is it okay, yes, but what’s the spirit of the question?
  • Is the husband or wife asking this because they want quickies without feeling guilty to give or receive pleasure?
  • Is the wife not believing she is worth pleasure?
  • Does she have a fear of being the center of attention?
  • Does she feel like a burden?
  • Is her denial about previous trauma affecting her ability to relax and trust?
  • Does she want to do her duty and return to her “To Do” list?
  • Or is she feeling pressure from her husband to have an orgasm every time they make love because of her husband’s self-esteem?
  • Does she simply want to enjoy the emotional relating and intimacy between them?
• Men and women are different. Take the pressure off one another to perform as the other does.

How Can I Deal With Possible Resentment Because My Wife Never Orgasms?

• The world’s view of sex includes the woman having the same desire level as a man, the same passion as a man, and the same orgasmic capacities as a man, so if she is not like a man, something is wrong with her. In a national survey of Christian females, 25% of women reach orgasm every time they have sex, and only 33% reach orgasm 75% of the time.
• Those who reach orgasm 50% or more of the time are more sexually satisfied and have higher desire levels.
• Does her orgasm equal his masculinity? When the husband’s self-worth rests on his ability to fulfill his wife sexually, you’ll both feel pressure to achieve that goal. In other words, if the focus is on getting her to respond to validate the husband, it’ll decrease pleasure for both spouses.

How Can I Help My Wife to Orgasm?

• Believe it or not, it’s less about technique and more about spiritual and emotional intimacy. What happens outside the bedroom and how you relate to your wife is crucial to her relaxation inside the bedroom. In fact, oxytocin is released when she is emotionally connected with her husband, which also increases her sexual desire.
• The wife not only needs to be comfortable with her own body and sexuality but comfortable with her genitals being touched and communicating her likes and dislikes.
• Try different ways of pleasuring the clitoris. In addition to manual stimulation externally with the fingers, try internal stimulation with the fingers, especially on the uppermost side of the vagina, using a come hither motion. Or try oral sex or a vibrator.
• Address emotional issues such as depression, anxiety, or self-worth issues.
• Address physical issues such as medication, hormone imbalance, being well rested, body image issues, infections, pain, allergies, disabilities, or illness.
• The wife can begin doing pelvic floor muscle contractions to increase her ability to orgasm and attain more powerful orgasms.
• Bring unforgiveness to the Lord for healing. If trust has been broken, and the husband has repented, has been in recovery, rebuilt integrity with his wife, and she is still living in her past pain, she may be holding onto unforgiveness, especially if she’s worried that if she forgives and trusts him again, he will betray her again.   

I Always Feel Like We’re Rushed During Sex. What is a Typical Length of Foreplay?

Depending upon her hormonal cycle, women generally take 15 -20 minutes to orgasm, so foreplay would be another 20 minutes. Plan for an hour at least once a week. We always say to plan for one fast food session (under 15 minutes), one deli session (20-30 minutes), and one gourmet lovemaking session (1 hour) per week. Plan your gourmet and deli lovemaking sessions for the week, and make the fast food session spontaneous.